(This is the latest installment for the Sovereignty Series written by guest blogger, Bethany Ivie.)
My life didn’t turn out quite the way I planned it.
I grew up a Church of Christ preacher’s granddaughter. I (for the most part) stayed out of trouble. I didn’t drink. I didn’t do drugs. And, I was good at everything I attempted to do. I have a tub full of medals and ribbons and certificates from elementary to my freshman year at a Christian university.
Then real life happened.
In between my freshman and sophomore year of college, I met a guy who ended up being not-so-good for me. Out of respect for our child and the man he seems to have turned out to be, I will spare the details of our relationship. However, it was not pretty.
I know I was far from perfect, but—to put it mildly—the relationship was volatile and a lot went on behind closed doors. Throughout our marriage it was much easier to appease him with whatever he wanted even if I knew it wasn’t the right thing. This led down a very long, difficult road.
I attended church by myself with our infant. That was one of my few outlets. I became a part of a bible study by Beth Moore entitled Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman. And who would have guessed that being a part of that Bible study was perfectly planned and timed by God?
This Bible study was where I learned the story of Esther and adopted what I now call my life verse. “You were raised up for such a time as this,” Esther 4:14. I learned to trust and believe in God’s sovereign plan for my life.
As I look through the journal that I kept during this study, I wrote things like:
“I need your guidance, love, and support. Give me wisdom to hear what you’re saying to me. Take control of my life, God. Take control.”
“There are so many things I bring before you solely because I know that you are the only one in control.”
“I have no power except through you. If I can learn to let you take control of my mind, body, and spirit I would have so much more peace in my life.”
During this study, a lot of my prayers were answered. We tried marriage counseling, it didn’t work. We moved to get away from negative influences. That didn’t work. Finally, after a specific incident, I filed for divorce.
Although that relationship had a huge impact on my learning to trust in His plan, it is still a constant struggle for me to “let go and let God.” From re-marrying to changing career paths, I continuously second-guess myself and wonder if what I am doing is God-led.
Through all of life’s unexpected (and uncontrollable) twists and turns, I can take heart in the fact that as long as my intentions are noble, God has me exactly where he wants me for such a time as this.
Bethany Ivie is a life coach, speaker and writer dedicated to working with professionals to growing personally, professionally and spiritually through organization, creative problem solving, and developing and following through on an effective action plan.