When you have been abused or someone has tried to control you, you lose sight of what you enjoy and dreams either disappear or never come to light. I think it’s mainly because you have to put so much energy getting through moments and days with those who don’t make life easy. When you have to put effort into thoughts that don’t help with surviving, it’s just not worth it. When I started to heal, I was asked what I enjoyed. I was stumped. I knew what foods I love and my favorite color along with other generic information, but I didn’t know a lot of details. For instance:
- I knew I liked the beach because, to me, it is a perfect representation of God. It goes on farther than you can ever see and the complexities and wonders that exist in it still haven’t all been discovered. But I came to realize that I love walking on the beach along the water line. I love when the waves come in and out and lap at my feet both when I’m sitting and walking. I also love to play in the waves.
- I love chocolate – but I didn’t realize until recently that for me to really enjoy it, it has to be with something else. Like chocolate covered nuts, strawberries, cake, bananas – you get the idea. Brownies also rock, but only with a big glass of cold milk. Chocolate for chocolate sake is too much for me.
- Pink is my favorite color, but I have now discovered that I like light pink, like little piglets, the best.
- The scent of lilacs is like a slice of Heaven to me. I love the scent and, even though I can always smell them from a distance, I love to stick my nose in the flowers and take a huge sniff. I knew I liked flowers, but I never realized I had a favorite.
- I never had a dream of what I’d like to do with my life and having a passion was beyond my comprehension. All I was ever able to focus on was making as much money as I could. It didn’t matter if I enjoyed what I did. But now I am starting to believe there is something for me, too. I think I’d like to make a career, if I can, out of writing.
- I love being creative and I can usually figure out how to do most crafty things I try, but that was always seen as a waste of money and time. So, I didn’t do it often unless I was able to save money by making something myself instead of buying it. Now I have a wish to start using my creativity and finding something I’d like to maybe eventually sell and/or give away as gifts.
- Having a bucket list has never crossed my mind. I have lived so much of my life taking life as it comes. This past weekend I was asked what I’d like to do from my bucket list for my next birthday. I felt like a deer in the headlights, until I had some time to think. Once I got some quiet time, I remembered my hope to take a hot air balloon ride away from our wedding. That couldn’t happen because we were within the city limits, so I kind of put that idea away. But I really would love to take a hot air balloon ride sometime before I die.
- And, just as an extra fun thing I have recently thought of, I think delivering flowers would be great fun. Even when they are for a funeral, you would be bringing love and some brightness into someone’s day.
So, what do you enjoy doing? What are your dreams? Do you have a bucket list and what will you want to have on yours or what do you already have on yours?
~ Joanna Lynn