Today we would need to meet over the phone. I just don’t feel very well. I’ve been coughing, sneezing and it’s really hard to breathe. I feel like I’ve felt this way a lot lately. I believe it’s a mixture of allergies and all this rain we’re having. It’s the rainiest August I can remember in Indianapolis. It’s usually very hot, very humid and very dry, but not this year. There’s lots of rain. It’s really messing with my health this year. Oh, well. Life goes on.
I went to my youngest’s school for Back to School Night on Monday. His school, even though it is much larger than mine was, reminds me of my High School. It brought back a lot of good memories and, then, I came back to the present and was so glad I was not the one taking all the classes I was hearing about with all the expectations being poured for them. Been there done that. It made me think of all that awaited him in his life. I immediately went into the thoughts and prayers for my boy to really experience life and take advantage of all that life has in store for him. I want that for both of my boys, but, since I was at the youngest’s school, he was the focus. My oldest’s Back to School Night was supposed to be on Wednesday because of the tornado warnings happening that night. Lots of rain again.
I’ve done a lot of thinking this week, for some reason. As I’ve been going through the words my counselor gave me (of both good and bad words – I had her read one of my posts where I stated that she had given me the list of rough words – she looked up and said, as she remembered it, she gave me a list with both good and bad words – so now you know) and I realized that I have a few problems with even some of the good words. However, the word that I’m struggling with the most, which doesn’t appear on either list, is the word pride. I have suffered at the hands of pride so, so much in my life. It has always been a very negative force in my life and, yet, there is evidently a positive to pride as well. My counselor asked me this week if I ever feel pride over something I’ve done. I got really shaky and sick to my stomach. No, pride is a feeling I never wanted associated with me because pride seems to be a ticket to look down your nose at others and tell them they are of no value…but…maybe I’m wrong. My counselor tells me there is a positive side to pride as well. I guess I should figure out the truth. I definitely have American pride. I have always loved my country and I love living here. But pride has done so much damage in my life and I have a really hard time when someone is going on and on about what they’ve accomplished. I am happy for them, but I fight the feelings that assault me. I guess with lots of rain comes a lot of time to reflect.
So, how has your week been?
~ Joanna Lynn