Hi, again. I’m so glad we could get together this week. I am feeling much better, so I’m able to actually be in the same room with you without worrying about you catching something. Grab whatever you’d like to drink and we’ll go sit out front. It is gorgeous here. It’s 79º with low humidity and sunny, blue skies. It’ll be refreshing.
I started the week with a day taking three of the four animals to the vet in two trips. That was an expensive day, but we have healthy animals. The fourth just went through all his vet stuff earlier in the year. He’s the newest addition to the family. He got a bath today because he smelled horrific. He kind of looked like Yoda while he was wet and, then, when he started shivering, like Obi-Wan when we covered him with the towel. He’s cute, in an ugly sort of way.
At the beginning of the week, I had a piece going through my head and it wouldn’t leave. However, when I sat down to type, it all went away. I struggled to get the thoughts out on a page. So, I started typing things out on my phone for three days. I finally got most of it written. It was right around 1,000 words…and then it all disappeared, on both my phone and my Macbook, even though I saved it numerous times, all my writing was gone. It was a VERY BAD day. I gave up, believing this was a sign from God that I wasn’t supposed to be writing the blog, so I wasn’t going to do it anymore.
I had so much time and energy invested in that story and, when it disappeared, I was crushed and disillusioned. I couldn’t understand why God had put this on my heart and then allowed it to be yanked away. It seemed like my writing was worthless and the time spent doing it was completely wasted.
OK, yeah, I was probably blowing everything out of proportion. I think a big part of it came down to this – it is very difficult for me to write and put my thoughts and ideas out there. So, after I took so much time and effort getting something ready to post and it disappeared, seemingly, for no reason, I got overwhelmed and started judging myself and, mostly, found myself lacking. It’s not a good thing and I started playing all the old tape recordings in my head again, which only made the judging get more and more critical. Ugh!
The good thing is, I think I’ve learned something very important from this experience. It’s that I’ve been trying to do so much of my life on my own. In reality, I’ve learned to not ask for help for so long that it almost hurts to ask for it now. It’s a lonely and hard way to live. I need to make some changes in my life and how I live mine. I guess this realization makes the bad day worth it in the long run.
So, let’s change the subject. How have you been? Tell me something interesting that has happened to you last week. I love hearing about what’s going on in your life.
~ Joanna Lynn