This is a two-for-one post. The two “courses” I’m taking have different prompts to write about. So, here they are:
I am getting to the point that writing is a comfortable thing for me to do. I don’t feel overwhelmed by it unless I feel I’m being led to write something particularly difficult, painful or something I haven’t addressed in my journey to healing and finding who God made me to be. It is a huge blessing because I had a really rough time putting my writing out into view for others to read for a very long time.
I have found that it has been helpful in certain cases to get words out of my head so that they aren’t swirling around in there. I am able to set the words free so that I can think about what they mean. I can realize why the thoughts are so prevalent, demanding or scary. I am able to take them captive and either leave them where they lie on the screen to pick up at another time or maybe never look at them again. That’s the beauty of it. If I feel better just getting them out of my head, there sometimes is no need to take them any further.
Other times the words are long and confusing thoughts that hold me captive instead. These usually come as the result of the lifetime of verbal abuse. I find I don’t write about these subjects unless I feel I’m prompted to do so. When I write about them to post, it is really difficult and I feel like I am only partially present in my life until they are fully written. When I have completed and posted them, it’s like I have survived a beating. In those times, I can’t write. I have no energy to put words together in a way that makes sense or has any purpose. I usually feel fried and just want to do things that don’t require much thought.
These are the times that I have to let go and come to terms with the turmoil of emotions I’ve had to face so that I am able to move forward again. I accomplish this best by being alone. Too much interaction only wipes me out further. This isn’t to say I don’t meet up with friends for lunch or hot chocolate (I hate coffee – even the smell). I enjoy being with my friends very much. But being alone is what gives me back my strength. I like to go for walks and just enjoy the time. I have gotten to the point that I don’t even like to listen to anything during these times. I just want quiet.
Five Things That Make My House My Home
I like my home. I still have things I want to change with the house, but I have what makes it feel like home to me. Here are a few examples:
- I know I’m home when my dog greets me with a wag of his tail and lots of kisses. Then I come in the door and someone is usually there to greet me in some way. You know you belong when you’re greeted warmly.
- My pets – a dog and a cat. They are furry little love balls. The dog kisses me constantly and looks at me like he is in love when I’m close. He plays with his squeaky toys and thinks he is a lap dog even though he weighs 85 pounds. But the closer he can get to us the better for him. The cat is really my mom’s but she comes and lays as close to me as she can get when I’m downstairs either working on my computer or relaxing. She purrs and looks at my hand a lot like she’s asking why it’s not petting her. I then pet her and she is happy, until I stop again. Then the staring begins again.
- My comfy couch that has those squishy pillows that I constantly have to straighten and stand up, which gets annoying, but it is such a comfortable place.
- Books and lots of them. To me, a home is not a home without books. It is just wrong in some way. A book makes me feel comfortable and it’s a great way to slip somewhere else for a visit to let go of my life for a while.
- My kitchen. When we moved into the house we redid the entire kitchen. I love a good kitchen in a home. It changes the feel of the entire home and, since I like to cook, bake and try new recipes, having a kitchen where I have plenty of room to work and enough storage for the gadgets I love is important.
~ Joanna Lynn