Hi, there. Welcome again. I always look forward to our time together. I have Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate brownies with peanut butter morsels scattered on top to offer. I’ve already had one today, so I’m good. Grab one and something to drink and join me in the patio. It’s a rainy day, but it’s a great temperature, so it should be really enjoyable. (Actually, if we were meeting right at this moment, we’d be watching the Colts vs Texans game together.)
It’s been a normal week of appointments, Bible study, lunch with friends, yard work, car repairs and writing. I feel like I’ve gotten to a point of having a type of rhythm in life, for the most part, from life during the summer, which has no rhythm or norm whatsoever. I know, it’s pretty sad that it’s taken me to the middle of October to hit a rhythm, but, at least, it finally happened. The bonus is that there is a good month before Thanksgiving and then the holidays. I’ll take it.
This is a good thing. It really is. However, when I get to this point where I can think clearly, I come back to the point where I want a direction, a goal to work towards, a passion. I believe this is one of the biggest losses that comes with long-term, lifelong abuse, at least from my perspective and experience, is the inability to develop passions or purpose in the abused’s life. All the verbal, physical and sexual attacks that come from those who are trying to control and manipulate others chip away at any identity the person may be trying to hold on to.
I know I am doing what I’m supposed to do now, but will there ever be a driving passion in my life or will I continue to live moment by moment day after day? Since I’ve always lived my life this way, because I had to, I have always hoped that at some point I would have direction and drive in my life that would propel me to different places and activities with purpose. I’m hoping I will someday have this in my life, but, until then, I will continue to walk the paths that open up for me to walk daily. I will be happy for the rhythm in life and all it offers.
So, tell me about your life. What’s been going on? What are you working toward in your life and what is coming in your life that you’re looking forward to doing?
~ Joanna Lynn
(This is written for Weekend Coffee Share on the Part-time Monster Blog. Drop by and have coffee with other bloggers and check out Diana’s blog.)