After writing my post, 25th Wedding Anniversary, I realized that I was emotionally spiraling out of control. I was completely caught off guard by it. I’ve been working through the reality of my relationship with the one I loved for so many years that I didn’t think there was much more that could have this effect on me. But, it did.
Slipping Into Isolation
I, then, made it so much worse by not telling anyone what was happening or reaching out for help. Even when I did reach out, I didn’t go into any great detail about what was happening, I only stated that I was spiraling out of control or spiraling with my emotions after writing the latest post. I hadn’t even published the post yet and didn’t include it with the comment. So, they didn’t even have a clue what I was bothering me.
I asked for prayer but I didn’t ask for someone to walk through it with me. I chose isolation and kept slipping further down a bad path. I became so exhausted. I woke up tired, tried to stay awake all day long in all I did (sometimes without success) and I went to bed tired, only to start it all over the next day. I ended up with an awful cold within a couple of days. I’m sure isolation during rough times does not help your immune system.
Coming To the Realization
I knew something was very wrong. I knew I wasn’t handling the thoughts and feelings, the rejection and broken dreams that came pouring out as I wrote the post. In my head, there was so much more coming to the surface than what ended up on the page. It was like total immersion and I relived so, so much, heard the horrible comments and felt, again, what it was like to be completely unloved by those to whom I gave so much love and allowed into my life so fully.
The Scottish writer Henry Drummond said,
“Therefore keep in the midst of life. Do not isolate yourself. Be among men and things, and among troubles, and difficulties, and obstacles.”
I never really thought about going into isolation as being stepping away from life. I always thought by doing it I was not bothering anyone or asking someone to take on my problems. I always thought I was being a good friend by keeping my rough times to myself.
But, as I think about it, I would be upset if my friends were hurting or having a rough time and didn’t reach out, even if only for prayer. They are worth it to me. For me to believe that my friends don’t feel the same about me is wrong. I am putting my feelings about myself on them when they have never given me any sign that they feel this way.
So, since I have fully grasped this situation, how do I change the way I handle rough times? I guess the first step would be to try to reach out to someone when I realize I’m going or have gone into isolation just like I would want him or her to do with me.
Have you found yourself spiraling out of control? If so, what did you do to step out of going into that direction?
~ Joanna Lynn