I haven’t made it a secret that I’m really hurting now. The sadness is overwhelming and the pain is palpable. I’ve lived a lifetime of abuse but never worked through it all. This is something I definitely should have done sooner. I’m learning the hard way that not working through the pain, grief, betrayal, and all the other emotions when things happened only makes all those feelings fester and grow. It’s awful and I’m paying the price. I need to take time to heal, but I don’t fully know how to do it.
I know this is such old news to so many. I have had and continue to have people say, “This shouldn’t be bothering you anymore.” I honestly don’t know what that means. What are they trying to say? What am I supposed to take from this comment? I’m not really sure, but what I do take from it is that I waited too long to process this and it was time to move on. I also hear, “You’re failing.”
The truth is, I know that I’ve failed in working through the pain. The worst part about this is that to work through it all, I have to, in a sense, experience it all again. I have to open wounds, some of them very deep, some of them never explored. I don’t know if they’re more or less painful, but some of them have taken on a life of their own and others have other memories thrown in with them. If you’re hurting, don’t wait to work through it until a later date. Take time to heal and find someone to help you work through it. You can’t just put a band-aid on it. You need to actually take care of it and treat it until it heals. Don’t end up where I am now.
There are many ways to keep from healing, but the one that I think is huge is when people compare their pain to someone else’s and decide the other’s pain is worse so they really have no need to be upset. That is not true. When you’ve lost someone you love, been hurt by a friend, suffered abuse or any other painful event, the pain is very real. It’s not something that can be compared.
I believe comparisons to others should never be a part of our lives under any circumstances. To spend any time comparing yourself to others moves the focus from living in the present and you either find yourself as better than or less than someone else. Neither are true. Every person is valuable and no one is greater than another.
A common comment people say to me, during a rough time for them, is, “It’s nothing compared to what you’re going through.” It is so sad for me to hear it and I quickly tell them to stop. I tell them that their pain isn’t lessened by someone else having a “harder” time. Pain is pain.
My cousin just wrote a note to me with this same thought. Her youngest son had a very aggressive form of leukemia that they fought and won. He is now in remission. Her pain was palpable. It’s something no parent ever wants to go through with their child. I prayed for them so often, as did many others. But her pain doesn’t make my pain any less, and mine doesn’t make hers any less. We each had completely different, breathtakingly difficult journeys. We both feel for each other deeply, but we understand that our personal pain doesn’t lessen the pain the other experienced.
When something happens that rocks your world, you have to respect where you are and walk through it. I hate where I am now. It hurts way too much. Don’t allow yourself to get to this point. Understand how important your life is, tackle the pain and take time to heal.
Is there something that has brought you pain that you need to work through?
~ Joanna Lynn