“We had a great conversation and we seemed to really connect. Then she asked for me to send her a picture of what I looked like. I knew then that this was where the conversation was going to end. But I sent her the picture and she sent me back a picture of the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen. The conversation ended there.” This was a part of a conversation I just heard from a boy playing basketball with some friends in the park. What have we come to that we throw away people so easily?
We Throw Away People
This kid is not something that would be considered handsome or maybe even cute by many. The reaction he gave to this girl was apparently the same response he has gotten from other people, since he thought the conversation would end as soon as she saw his picture. And, yet, he turned around and did it to this girl. He saw no more value for this girl when she didn’t meet his beauty requirements.
They had connected and enjoyed talking to each other, but she was tossed away as soon as he saw that he wasn’t physically attracted to her. So sad, especially when he has evidently suffered the same type of behavior.
Unfortunately, it’s something that happens far too often. We throw away people for any number of reasons. I’m not talking about when we walk away from those who are hurting us. I’m talking about when we look at someone or they say or do something that doesn’t meet up to our standards and we decide they don’t measure up.
There have been many times I wondered if this was one of the reasons my husband was with other women. Was I no longer attractive? For that matter, was I ever really attractive to him? Or did I say or do things to a point that he found me no longer acceptable enough for him? Did he look at me through the lens of comparison between me and the other women he was with? I know I’m not the prettiest of people, but I had no idea I was so revolting that he had to find other women to find what appealed to him.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that he had major addiction problems and probably even some mental health issues. I know my appearance wasn’t what caused him to make the choices he did, but did it make it easier to be with other women? I have wondered it often, but I really don’t know and never will.
But it never really should be a reason, should it? No matter how ugly or unattractive I am. So, then, why has it become so common that it is even a question to consider? This boy I heard in the park may have missed out on a friendship that could have lasted for years. But he’ll never know now. Missed opportunities for such small and insignificant reasons happen all the time. I wish I hadn’t had to think about it as I think back about why my husband made the choices he did. It may not have even played a part at all in what he did, but the world is so beauty driven that it becomes a valid question.
Look at Them Now
There are examples of this happening everywhere. I watched America’s Got Talent this year where one of the contestants was a girl named Kechi. She was one of two survivors of a plane crash that killed 107 other people. She has multiple scars and disfigurements, but her heart is as full and perfect as it ever was. Maybe more.
Then, on Dancing With the Stars this year, there is a lady named Victoria Arlen who became paralyzed and was even in a vegetative state for four years because of two rare diseases that struck her when she was 11. She has talked about how she was brutally bullied when she went back to school. To pick on someone who is disabled is beyond wrong, but it evidently happens all the time. That’s atrocious! (Now she is a contestant who dances on her own two feet and is an ESPN host. She is beautiful.)
We never know what potential or purpose someone has until we take the time to really get to know them. Along those same lines, I have found that the more we get to know someone in friendship, the more attractive they become. My husband and I were best friends for so long before we ever started dating. I used to think he was so cute, but not when I first got to know him. Over the time we became friends, he became more and more attractive. I know I’m not alone in this happening in a relationship. It’s who the person is that makes them really attractive or not.
“Beauty is only skin deep,” is a very common saying. It’s true, but I think it should really be “Appearances are only skin deep.” It fits for all types of people no matter what they look like. They’re true beauty lies within who they are and how they treat others and it changes the way we see them on the outside as well.
What do you think?
~ Joanna Lynn
Cheating is not about how someone looks. Consider the drop-dead-gorgeous models and actors whose spouses cheat on them. Cheating is about the condition of someone’s heart. The cheater may blame the other person, but that finger leaves three fingers pointing back at the cheater, their choices, their decisions, their lack that they are attempting to fill. It’s about not having God at the center of their life filling up the empty places no one else can fill, no matter how hard they try. I know for myself that often what I dislike in others is a reflection of something I don’t like in myself. If I’m wise, and sometimes I actually am, I look at myself and work on whatever it is that I’m complaining about. 🙂