“My husband died almost eight years ago.” It’s a phrase I say occasionally when I’m driving and someone asks if I’m married, or they ask about my kids’ dad or something of this nature. The responses I receive a range from sympathy to awkward silence and moving on to something else quickly without acknowledging what I said. All responses are fine. However, recently one of the passengers gave me a response that both surprised and saddened me. Her response twisted everything I had thought about when thinking about dating someone else.
After I told her about my husband’s death, she tried several times to tell me I needed to be dating, asked if it mattered if the man I dated wasn’t the same race as me and then told me I should be with someone at least 15 years younger than me (she said this was “for obvious reasons). Then, before she got out of the van, she told me that if I didn’t start dating someone in the next few months that she would strongly suggest that I go to one of the (novelty) “sex shops”. Then she proceeded to name a couple of them.
It took me a moment to process what she said. I guess her thought was that sex was the main reason for dating. The thought made me sad. Sex was one of the main things that destroyed my marriage. Multiple affairs and porn were what my husband seemed to care about the most. It drove him and it controlled him. It took him further and further from me as well as his boys.
Since his death and the discovery of his other life, I’ve become ultra aware of sex in culture and entertainment. It seems to be that sex has become the central focus of so much. It’s like it’s what drives people. There’s even a number of “hookup apps” for nothing more than finding someone to have casual sex or some type of sexual interaction.
People have become objects to each other. God gave us sex as a gift to build intimacy in marriage and to procreate. Sex was meant to build strong bonds and relationships between couples. It was meant to build up both the couple and each person in the marriage.
But the world has twisted everything about sex. People give away pieces of themselves without a second thought. They throw away people after they’ve gotten from them what they want. Consequences are not taken into account. Their desires and needs are all that matter. In doing so, they take and give away their dignity.
God’s plans are for our good and to give purpose and meaning into our lives. We have chosen a different path. Are we better for it? I say definitely not.
What would you say?
~ Joanna Lynn
I’m part of two FB groups you might like. The first is “The Old Fashioned Fan Club” and the other is called “An Old Fashioned discussion about courtship, love & marriage,” both based on the movie “Old Fashioned.” You are not alone.
I’ll have to check those out. Thanks.
I’m sorry Joanna; I had no idea about Matt’s doings.
To your point, I wonder if we can identify God’s best gifts to mankind by looking at the things that have been twisted the most. God accepts as we are, but the idea has been twisted to suggest that we are perfectly acceptable as we are. The truth is that God loves us too much to leave us in the state in which He found us. Fruit can be stripped of every good thing and be twisted into candy. Candy can be twisted gluttony. Love can be stripped of every good thing and be twisted into mere sex. Sex can be twisted into all kinds of perversion. But God made both for your health and pleasure.
If we trace every desire back to what your body and soul really needs, we will find God there, and we will know Him as the giver of all good things.
Thanks, Dale. And what you said is so true. Great analogy!