A Voice

Do we all have a voice? Yes, I believe everyone has something important to say. Do we all have a voice that matters, that can make a difference in the world and have something to say where people listen? I honestly don’t know.

I’ve come to the point where I’m not sure if everyone really has a voice that actually will be heard.  There are some people who others look to for their opinion or guidance.  There are some who can fill stadiums or smaller venues to hear what they have to say.  But there are some that speak and it doesn’t make a dent.  In fact, it goes the opposite way for them.  I have come to understand that I fit into the latter group.

I honestly am not sure I can explain it, but I’ll try.  I have a small group of friends.  I am an introvert, so having many, many friends is just not something I will ever have.  I have many people I know and with whom I enjoy spending time, but those who are a part of my “inner circle” are few.  Being an introvert also makes conversation, especially with someone I don’t know, not an easy task for me.

I have become, however, increasingly more vocal in standing up for what is right since I’ve had kids.  I don’t let things be said that will hurt my or other kids without saying something to try to stop it or speak positively into the child’s life.  I also speak up when adults in my boys’ lives say or do something that goes against what I’ve taught them.  I have also done this for others I see being hurt.

I believe, for my boys at least, my voice made a difference for them.  However, it didn’t make a difference for anyone else and I usually was/am attacked if I speak up.  I don’t like seeing people hurt or mistreated, but to speak up means almost certainly being told, in very definite wording, that I am the problem or what is wrong.  It doesn’t matter if I address the issue with positives or give examples of what I’m saying.  I am wrong and my words mean nothing most of the time.

So, what does that mean for me and others who are received this way?  I’m not sure.  I have been told for as long as I can remember that I was open as a target.  There weren’t people coming to my rescue because to do so would put them in view to be attacked as well.

Lately, I’ve thought that if what I say means nothing, shouldn’t I just be quiet?  Should I just let people do what they’re going to do since my saying anything will make no difference and only mean verbal attacks on me?  I’m beginning to think so.

I write what I feel led to write.  I pray it makes a difference to those who read it.  However, if I’m writing what I’m led to write, then it really isn’t only my voice or my agenda.  So, I believe I’m supposed to keep writing.

Speaking up, though, is still up in the air.  I know I will continue to stand up for my children because that is my job and they are my heart.  But I think my speaking or contacting someone else to try to help is being silenced.  It doesn’t help others and it gets me ripped to shreds.  I think this is the right decision, but I really don’t know. I’ll be praying about it and spending some time alone.

~ Joanna Lynn

(To read the continuation of this post, read The Target.)