There are many posts I feel led to write, but they all become jumbled as I start to write them. All the while, the title of something I wrote several years back keeps coming to mind. I found it on my computer and read it. I’ve changed it a little, but I believe it is what I’m supposed to post first and then the other posts along this line will make more sense and I will be able write them more easily.
Here it is:
The Chaos and Noise
I Live in a World
I live in a world where voices and images haunt me.
I feel so broken yet so compelled to live my life based on these memories that are so loud.
These voices so easily drown out the voice of my Savior
Who loves me like those whose voices hurt me never did.
God calls to me with a still, small voice only meant to strengthen me
And show me the love I so deeply wanted to know in human form.
He shows me the love of a Father Who adores His children, which includes me.
I know this with all I am but I still live to never endure the voices again.
I have built walls that protected me for so many years
But now they hold me captive from the love He so freely gives.
I know I am His but I often live in fear like I’m not.
I hide behind the rocks like Moses did instead of freely walking with Him as He calls me to do.
I don’t seek those who only want to show love and friendship.
I hold them at arm’s length when they seek to reach out to me.
On the occasions when I let them in, I worry about when they will realize
I am not who they think I am. I am a problem and a mess.
The lies spoken so loudly for so many years
Drown out the truth of all He has made me to be.
The truth is that those who show me love are seeing me through His eyes
And I’m the one who isn’t who I think I am.
by Joanna Lynn
