Hi, there. Welcome again. I always look forward to our time together. I have Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate brownies with peanut butter morsels scattered on top to offer. I’ve already had one today, so I’m good. Grab one and something to drink and join me in the patio. It’s a rainy day, but it’s a great temperature, so it should be really enjoyable. (Actually, if we were meeting right at this moment, we’d be watching the Colts vs Texans game together.)
It’s been a normal week of appointments, Bible study, lunch with friends, yard work, car repairs and writing. I feel like I’ve gotten to a point of having a type of rhythm in life, for the most part, from life during the summer, which has no rhythm or norm whatsoever. I know, it’s pretty sad that it’s taken me to the middle of October to hit a rhythm, but, at least, it finally happened. The bonus is that there is a good month before Thanksgiving and then the holidays. I’ll take it.
This is a good thing. It really is. However, when I get to this point where I can think clearly, I come back to the point where I want a direction, a goal to work towards, a passion. I believe this is one of the biggest losses that comes with long-term, lifelong abuse, at least from my perspective and experience, is the inability to develop passions or purpose in the abused’s life. All the verbal, physical and sexual attacks that come from those who are trying to control and manipulate others chip away at any identity the person may be trying to hold on to.
I know I am doing what I’m supposed to do now, but will there ever be a driving passion in my life or will I continue to live moment by moment day after day? Since I’ve always lived my life this way, because I had to, I have always hoped that at some point I would have direction and drive in my life that would propel me to different places and activities with purpose. I’m hoping I will someday have this in my life, but, until then, I will continue to walk the paths that open up for me to walk daily. I will be happy for the rhythm in life and all it offers.
So, tell me about your life. What’s been going on? What are you working toward in your life and what is coming in your life that you’re looking forward to doing?
~ Joanna Lynn
(This is written for Weekend Coffee Share on the Part-time Monster Blog. Drop by and have coffee with other bloggers and check out Diana’s blog.)
“Life long abuse” the word sends a chill down my spine. How many are out there suffering like this? Then the part of sentence ” Chips away at any identity” is so meaningful. A big soute to all those who go through the traumsa and still pick up the strings of life and step out with sef confidence. An exvcrllent articlr
It’s funny to think that when I was employed a couple of years ago I did not appreciate my routine but now that I don’t have work, I’ve established a schedule for my day. I love having a rhythm or routine because it sets things for me. I’m not strict in following them as something can come up sometimes but it’s knowing I can depend on myself to have a flow. I think that from there, things just start to have purpose. I’m also looking forward to starting work soon. 🙂
Thanks so much.
It is amazing how a rhythm makes a difference in how we approach days and the feeling of security (guess that’s the best word) it gives. Glad you’ve found that rhythm
Rhythm really does make a big difference. Mine was thrown off by a new job recently, then as a new rhythm started settling in another disturbance threw it off bigtime two nights ago and will be a while before it’s back. I know however that its just a matter of patience and persistence. This was a very good read. Thanks
Sometimes it seems like there are disruptions in life all the time so you forget what having a rhythm feels like. That why having it now made such an impression on me. Hope your latest disturbance doesn’t last as long as you think it will. Thanks for your kind words. Glad you liked it.
I have my rhythm disrupted in the last few weeks. The addition of another diagnosis for youngest girl has been as huge an upheaval as her dx of autism was. I know we will adapt and adjust but I sure wish my girl could catch a break.
I’m so sorry. It does seem like sometimes our kids get left and right with things and it kills to not be able to make it all go away. I pray there will be a course of action to take for her new diagnosis and that it helps. I know you will be seeking God at every turn.
I’ve really been thinking about the book thing. My e-mail address is dippingintotheheart@gmail.com if this is something you want to explore. Of course, taking care of your daughter and family comes first, but I just want you to know I’m praying about it and I’m intrigued.
She has been placed on new meds. I am hopeful it will help her. It seems to be so far. It just seems my girl gets a new dx every year but she still keeps her head up and surprises me with her progress. I am hopeful that will continue this time as well. We’ve also had to find a new attendant for her. Ugh. She hasn’t started yet. Still waiting on background checks to clear. It’s just a formality. I know once our new aid is here, her assistance will help tremendously. …And YES, I am very interested. I sent you a facebook request earlier today.
Very true. I’ll take it a step further in saying there is no life without God (in three persons).
Enduring ” a lifelong abuse” that really disturbs me. I’m happy that you found a rhythm a in life. May God always be with you.
Thank you. God has always been there to tell me He loves me through it all.