A New Decade

Happy New Year and New Decade! There is something almost magical about this day. I don’t know why since it really is no different than any other day, but for some reason, this year, it feels different. It’s probably because I’ve been thinking and writing (in a post yet to come) about hope.

The last decade was very difficult and exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, there were definitely so, so many positives that I will hold dear forever. I was also able to break out of the intense grief and a lot of the fallout from the tsunami that was Scott’s life. However, this decade I want to find healing and a purpose.

I also want to realize God’s true plan for me. I know there are a lot of reasons for my lack of clarity, but one of them is because I’ve always asked God about the one purpose or plan for my life. The thing is, I have so many interests and I love to try new things. I think I’ve been boxing myself in to some degree. This year, though, I want to be open to whatever possibilities, thoughts and directions come my way.

I plan to write more in the blog, I’ve been playing around with writing a children’s book and I’ve started doing some lessons online to learn how to draw. I love art and doodle a lot. I can do enough for Pictionary and even some shading and more “in-depth” pictures, but I want to see what I can do when I learn some of the skills.

This year I also want to grow my business by learning more ways to manage, profit and branch out with what I’m doing. I really do enjoy most of what I do.  I’m still very new at it but I’ve seen growth. I have found some great online mentors, teachers and Facebook groups to help me along.

Most of all, though, I want to find healing and break the hold that my past, memories and beliefs have on me and the way I do life. I am still allowing my past to dictate my present and future. When I stopped counseling almost a year ago, I fell back into the familiar pattern of  pushing all the bad things deep down and didn’t face them. Unfortunately, they didn’t stay there and instead they all came out in my dreams. You cannot believe how horrible these dreams are, but they helped me to truly see clearly that the only way I can tackle these obstacles is to get down deep into the events, conversations and relationships of my life and find a way to transform and redeem them.  I want to move in a positive direction with an end goal of being whole for the first time in my life.

Wow! That paragraph is huge!!! I’m a little stunned at the moment. I simply typed and let whatever I was feeling come out and there it is, revealed online and to myself all at the same time. I’m a little giddy and a whole lot scared and nervous. It’s been clear by my fight to write on this blog and how I break away from it for long periods of time that this is almost ominous for me. There are places, times, passages and corridors I have refused to go down and through…but I know I have to do it. I can’t live like this anymore.

This is the beginning of a new decade and I’m excited to see where I’ll be in 10 years when we start the next decade.

~ Joanna Lynn