I’ve thought a lot about family lately and what the true meaning of the word really is. I recently read a book that described it as “family is anyone who fills a space in your heart”. While I believe this is true, I believe it is missing a key part. People only become real family when each individual fills spaces in the others’ hearts.
For so much of my life, I believed family was only those related to me by blood (immediate family) or the people in the family I married into. I now know, though, that while those people are what I would think of as traditional family, real family is made up of both those in these traditional forms as well as those who slowly become a part of who you are. As I became more and more aware of the abuse in my life and started to really face it, it surprised me to realize that some of those in a traditional family may not really fit into the definition of what real family should be. Sometimes individuals in traditional family don’t form loving and caring bonds just because they’re thrown into a “family” situation. Without that strong bond in their heart love can’t grow.
It is imperative to have such strong connections in your heart because a family relationship is on an entirely different level than other relationships. True family not only celebrates in the happy times through laughter and joy, but they also come alongside each other through the rough times for as long as it takes to make it through to the other side. But it’s deeper still. When you are family, you can’t imagine being anywhere else than with the one who is hurting. Even if you are not physically with them, they never leave your thoughts or prayers.They are a part of you in a way that words can’t fully describe.
However, when only one person cares that deeply, all kinds of problems can happen. The most common would be disinterest, the worst is where abuse and neglect thrive. Think about it, if someone abuses you and you don’t like them or they don’t mean much to you, the abuse will not hit as deeply as when the abuser fills a space in your heart. I know I would not put myself into the line of fire and would avoid the person as much as possible if they weren’t a part of my heart. However, when you love them, you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and you are committed to the relationship. The abuse is confusing and hard to understand. You want the best for them, so surely they must want the best for you, too, right? It’s how it should be so you can’t understand why they seem to be hurting you so often. You actually want to believe they were just having a rough day or that maybe you didn’t respond to something they did or said in the nicest way, but those days keep coming more and more often. You hurt in a way that rips you apart and you can’t think clearly.
Someone who truly loves you won’t treat you like this. It’s not to say that you won’t ever have arguments, but it won’t be a way of life. Love is the driving force in interactions with other family members. Ultimately, you want the best for the others in your family and they want the best for you. That’s the way family is supposed to be. So I believe a good definition for family is “family is anyone who fills a space in your heart and you in theirs”. There may be more, but it’s a definition that helps me to understand a bit better what true family is supposed to be.
What do you think?
~ Joanna Lynn
